I wish it was that easy to stay optimistic.
There are days when even the naturally optimistic have trouble boosting their levels enough to charge through the day, full steam ahead. I guess it starts getting to me when the days string together in strands a bit too long to ignore.
When you live in a sardine can, it doesn’t take much for disappointment, set backs, strife, struggles and worries to have that sardine can swelling at the seams. You can bet it will start to rain when those seams are bulging too.
Yeah, good ol’ Murphy, he comes riding along, full steam ahead…rain and leaks and mud an woes and all. You can count on him to dump a big load of pessimism on your head, so you sure don’t need to leave the door open for him, issue an invitation, or sit ready to welcome the guy.
Don’t get me wrong, nothing major has happened, it’s just that we’re barely getting by, trying to plan our wedding, trying to figure a way to get ahead at least a little bit…and breaks are not happening when we wish they would. There are days when everyone gets to feeling as though they have been beating their head against a brick wall, with no way to ever dream of battering your way through it to the other side.
I am just tired, I guess. I want a break from worrying about bills, about our precarious perch on this planet, and all of the myriad of projects that we’re involved in. I wonder why people are so eager to put their hands out, and so unwilling to put their backs into anything. I resent easily given promises that are never intended to be fulfilled. I would like a day to just relax, have fun, and pretend we don’t have a worry in the world, but instead, even if I really TRY to do that…the worries jump on the tail of the van…and follow us wherever we go.
There are days when I hate email, Facebook, blogs, the telephone, the radio shows, the writing, the research, the planning, the everything. Part of me would make a very good mountain top hermit, I suspect.
We just went away for five days and visited family, but everything stressful rode along with me. It then managed to come home with me too. Maybe what I really need is a few days camping, away from it all, with new scenery, new things to do, and the luxury of not doing anything at all.
Yeah, right. In this heat? I would bake the first afternoon. Okay, so I can’t yet…but the cooler weather of fall is right around the corner. I’m going to be ready. We’re going to take a couple of days and do just that…go camping, away from everything.
So my plot thickens, and a secret plan hatches…